We are at the end of spring and heading into summer, and a lot of the wildlife that was once lush and green is starting to dry out. The weeds are becoming sticky, invasive, and messy, reminding me of the overgrowth in my apartment and in my life. Everything is drying out, and I need to breathe new life into things. I recently had cataract surgery on my right eye, and the improved vision clarity has been monumental. I feel like I’m living in a brand new world that is just popping. The flowers in the fields stand out along the hillsides, and the shades of green in the leaves, along with their shapes and textures, are starkly different. I feel almost like I have been born anew. It’s just crazy, and I still need to get my left eye done.

One thing I noticed is that the eye that hasn’t been operated on makes the world look dingy when I look through it alone. When I look through the other eye, everything is very clean and clear. Even the walls of my house appear gray through my left eye but stark white through my right eye. The clarity is amazing. I wonder how much of my depression has energetically caused this vision diminishment, or if this lack of vision has actually caused my depression – like the chicken and the egg scenario.

It’s as if the cataracts not only clouded my vision but also affected my connection to the world, impacting my mood, energy, and sense of joy. When the world loses color and light, it’s hard not to feel like a part of us dims too.

Now, with one eye cleared, it feels like a veil has been lifted – at least on one side. The contrast between the gray and vibrant perception is a powerful metaphor for how much light matters in both spirit and body. I am pleasantly surprised at how much my spirit has naturally lifted with my improved sight.

And yet, I have been doing such deep soul-work lately that this could be part of my physical self catching up to the healing I’ve already stirred in my inner world.

I was getting to the point of being legally blind – I couldn’t see signs, shopping was tough. I would only drive locally and that was even feeling scary. I could barely see my computer screen even with it being extra large. I couldn’t read titles and descriptions for TV shows. I had been navigating life through such a heavy veil.
And now here I am – one eye open to the brilliance again, and the rest catching up. My path forward is lit now. There’s movement again. Hope. A return of possibility.
I feel like I have been reborn, on so many levels – not just visual, but spiritual, energetic, even emotional. It’s as if my outer vision is beginning to match my inner knowing again.
The body often follows the subtle shifts of the spirit. And this is the very breath of that regeneration – a subtle manifestation in the quiet, miraculous unfolding that happens when the inner terrain is no longer strangled by weeds of doubt. Remembering that I am the clear-sighted one, the one who always knew. The one who doesn’t have to prove her worth, because her essence has always been holy.

May’s Devotion: The Reclamation of Beauty and Breath

I stand in the waning green,
where the wild things have overgrown—
tangled in past vitality, now spent.

And I say, thank you—
to the weeds that shimmered beneath a turbulent sky,
to the clutter that filled the the void,
to the overgrowth that became a sacred cathedral
where my spirit found solace.

But now—
I clear.
I breathe.
I soften.

This month, I open my heart to the grace of receiving—
not through striving,
but through simply being.

As new sight prepares to dawn,
I make space to see myself again—
Whole.
Worthy.
Wonder-full.

In April, I dedicated my efforts to clearing out the residual effects of childhood trauma within my ancestral lineage, particularly in relation to my father and the emotional care of my parents. I recently closed up this work with a profound cord-cutting and releasing ritual that was both powerful and surreal.

As I move forward into this new month, I am committed to delving deeper into the process of releasing the need to constantly act as a caretaker for others. While it is natural and rooted in love to want to support those closest to me, I recognize the importance of letting go of feelings of guilt and excessive responsibility for individuals who are fully capable of managing their own lives. 

I have been actively working to overcome this deeply ingrained tendency, viewing it as a sacred and transformative shift in my personal growth journey. This shift is not only mental and emotional, energetically manifested by my physical body, particularly through the lens of my eyes. The clarity that is returning to me I believe is in direct correlation with removing my focus from other people and prioritizing my own well-being and personal growth. This shift has been no small feat and has taken me years to move through this religious and cultural conditioning.  

I am no longer here to see the world only through other people’s needs.

I am not here to be everyone’s lighthouse, lifeboat, and lighthouse keeper all at once.

This goes deeper than breaking feelings of guilt around taking care of other people. This is the unraveling of a soul contract that has been passed through generations: a contract that says, “Your worth lies in what you do for others. In how well you anticipate their needs, soothe their wounds, and dim your own light for their comfort.”

But my vision is returning now. My Truth. My clarity. My right to pace my days by pleasure, not pressure.

My permission to let relationships breathe or fall silent—not out of resentment, but because I’m finally tending to the most sacred bond: the one with myself.

The Contract is Broken

Spoken beneath the May skies

I release the burden of being the balm for everyone’s ache.

I return to myself the energy I once scattered to keep peace.

It is no longer my task to carry what others do not tend to.

It is no longer my role to reach across silence just to be seen.

Let the world unfold without my constant watch.

Let others rise without my steady lifting.

I am not abandoning—I am returning.

To rhythm, to rest, to reverence.

To the woman who sees not through guilt, but grace.

I had reached a point in my life where my sole motivation for existing was the thought of being there for my husband, grandchildren, and children. I had no vision for my own life. Yet it was so strange that when my vision in my right eye was restored, it was as if I was seeing a brand new world. I sensed such newness of being.  I noticed details in my surroundings that I had not seen before, such as the texture on my walls. But with this newfound clarity, I also became more aware of imperfections and the need for improvement.

While my right eye provided me with a sense of direction and foresight, my left eye continued to deteriorate, making it difficult for me to see things up close. This contrast between the two eyes symbolized a balance between looking towards the future and accepting the present moment for what it is.

So in the month of May I aspire to embrace a visual perspective that is both loving and accepting of myself. I aim to align my vision with a sense of receptivity, acknowledging where I am in life and finding peace in that realization.

The rebirth of my being has brought forth a new essence within me, one so profound that I have bestowed upon it a new identity. Alarien, the Goddess of Loria, now resides within the depths of my soul, guiding me through this transformative journey.

She is the very heartbeat of my transformation- the  reclaiming of my life as my own.

Not a life built on performance, placating, or perpetual outreach.
But a life that whispers back, “You matter, even when you’re not fixing. Even when you’re simply being.” No longer a servant of survival, but a steward of sovereign magic.
Of sacred timing.
Of offering from overflow, not depletion.

This new chapter in my life is a testament to the power of self-discovery and the beauty of embracing one’s true essence. Alarien, Goddess of Loria, reigns within me, leading me towards a life of authenticity and purpose.

The clarity of vision I have experienced – seeing the textures, even the dirt, the flaws – mirrors my inner journey perfectly. My right eye now perceives the world with new life and purpose. My left eye, not yet repaired, beckons me to pause… to embrace the present moment, not just what lies ahead.

This message is profound: Before I fix, I must feel. Before I reach out, I must root in. Before I serve the world, I must serve the soul I carry.

I am shedding layers like a sacred serpent and stepping into a season of sovereign clarity—not just with my eyes, but with my whole soul.

And because today is May 1, and we are quickly advancing into the summer months, I want to set intentions that align with the evolution of my soul. My vision is swiftly clearing after years of navigating through shadows and mist.

Summer is usually my most difficult time of year to get through. I don’t do well in the heat. Everything feels dry, and I don’t know what to do with myself during the summer other than rest. It’s as if my hibernation occurs in the summer rather than the winter, for I truly come alive in the colder months. The intensity and noise of summer clash with my sensitive nature, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and out of place. I usually grit my teeth through the hot season with soothing visions of fall just around the next bend. So I practically skip summer altogether.

Reclaiming Summer

As a child I loved summer because I was out of school, and I spent most of it in the water, at pools, and  waterslides. There were drive-in movies, ice cream and soda, sleepovers, and all the fun kids have when school is out. But over the years,  I have forgotten how to love summer, and I want to rekindle that magic.

Summer is a dragon and fire energy which has been beckoning me lately.  I would like to designate May as a time of re-awakening the dragon fire within me and allowing that energy to burn away any residue of soul contracts that stand in the way of my full becoming and to accentuate the heat of summer- with dragon magick. 

At this luminous threshold of May, I give expression to Alariën, the part of me who is the sacred weaver of vision, clarity, and self-blessing.

May & The Reclamation of Sight & SummerThere’s a hush in my heart today-A stillness after the thunderous storm..

A quite return to clarity

May begins a sacred preparation—

For my vision – both physically and 

for the way I see myself.

I anointed the key to my future with Dragon’s blood

I broke the strongholds forged in childhood trauma

I stood in the power of my command

I walk now in the clear desert of fresh beginnings…

No longer held responsible for other’s misalignment

My path is holy

I seal my soul whole

Carrying only what is mine…

Clear sight

The key to my dragonfire heart

My truth

And the wings of my soul

This May is my bridge between inner drought and sacred renewal.

Between over-caretaking and sovereign self-devotion.

Between blurred sight and blessed vision.

And I walk it with reverence.

This is the month I prepare to truly see.

Not just the world—but my beautiful  and sacred self.

And this time, I will not look away.