Are You Being Disrespected and Bullied?

how people treat youOne of the greatest signs of maturity is the ability to show due respect to people and the realization that all of life is precious and none of us are in a position to judge other peoples lives. Real maturity is not an age, but an inner wisdom – a plateau where you no longer feel the need to fix others, and you realize others are not responsible for fixing you. Maturity is taking responsibility for our own lives, emotions, and responses to life- you quit blaming and finding fault with everyone else, realizing that you are no better and no worse.

Immature people gossip, complain, and find fault with others. Immature people can be bullies overtly and covertly. Some are loud and aggressive and some play subtle games, so subtle that they sometimes are not even fully aware of the games they are playing with other people.

Bullying takes on many forms. Subtle bullying can be smart-ass comments about others, leaving a particular person out of your circle while feeling superior to them, and spreading rumors and ill opinions of them. One of the cruelest forms of bullying is indifference- treating someone like they don’t even exist.

One way you can know you are being bullied is when your personal boundaries are being stepped over and you are being ostracized for not conforming to the person’s/people’s expectations of you. When you are not sure of someone’s actions toward you and you feel uncomfortable with their expectations and/or treatment of you, ask yourself if you would ever treat them the way they are treating you. If the answer is a firm no, then you can be sure that your boundaries are being violated and you are not being properly respected. You are dealing with immaturity.

bitterness

The best way to handle it is to kindly let them know that what they are doing is not okay with you, and ask them to please stop. If they are mature and respectful, they will be glad you were open and honest with them. But if they cannot show you the same respect that you show them, then it may be necessary to put distance between you and them. Others may not understand why you had to put that space there, and they may even judge you harshly; but again, that is their issue not yours. A mature person, if they really cared, would just inquire into what the problem may be, but immature people judge and gossip and listen to ill-reports of others and believe them.

Take a good firm stand and know in your heart, that their ill-treatment is about them and their immaturity and really has nothing to do with you. Your sweet disposition possibly made you and easy target, but that does not have to be compromised in order to let others know you will not tolerate anything less than the respect that is due to any person.

Walk away

You may not fit the mold of their paradigm, they may not agree with your life-style, thinking or choices, but that does not give them the liberty to be disrespectful to you.

Sadly enough, there will be those in your life that will never grow up. They will reach a ripe old age with a bad, disrespectful attitude toward those that they do not agree with. You will look over your past history with them and lament in your heart over the fact that no matter how you tried, it was never “good enough.”

There comes a time when we need to let them go- a time to “absolutely and utterly walk away.” Sometimes it helps to commemorate that decision with a little ritual. One that I have found that helps is to find a quiet place where you can be meditative and reflect. Then, mentally place the person/people that you no longer want in your life in a boat. Bless them- wish the best for them and send them down the river and out into the vast ocean, never to be seen again. Even if you will continue to “see” them keep this picture in your mind. You are finished. They have chose to devalue you, and you have chose to let them go.

Life is about choices. Regain your dignity and peace of mind. Let the haters go on their way without letting their hate attach itself to you. If necessary, you can even take all the ill-feelings you may feel towards them, write them on paper then find a river and tear it to pieces and send the ill-feelings with them.

Be set free!

Namaste!

Making Meaningful Connections

connections1

All human misery stems from disconnection.
Pain is physical, mental or emotional suffering at varying intensities. Pain tells us something is out of balance and even life threatening.
Misery is extreme distress, and wretchedness of conditions or circumstances and definitely carries the component of pain.

Humans are designed for connection.
The only thing that connects us with God and with one another is love. Love is the only connecting energy in the universe. Everything that steers us away from love- even to the extreme of hatred, is disconnecting. Without love we drift away from God- our source- and from one another.

In order to connect with somebody in love, you have to put your full attention on them.
Connection takes attention with admiration- not agitation.
So many people are striving to connect with someone, but they are agitated, either about that person or about something else that is going on in their life. This agitation keeps them from their real and important focus, which is the person they are endeavoring to connect with. What they need instead is admiration.

When you focus on anything or anyone with admiration and love, you are going to make a connection.
Admiration is a feeling of wonder, pleasure and approval.
Most of us have relationships that we want to improve- relationships with spouse, child, friend, coworker, God, or even self!
Try focusing on the one you need better connection with, with admiration and love.

Focus! Admire! Love!

Key ingredients to real connection.

Add a Little Sparkle to Your Life

Joy

The sparkles of life are the moments- the experiences of pure pleasure; it is that exquisite dinner, that breathtaking sunset, that intense and connected time with a loved one. They are the moments that make up our fondest memories. They are what makes life worth living.

We seek for love, happiness, companionship and experiences, all because these feel good. It therefore stands to reason that when something feels good to go with it, and when something feels bad, leave it. Joy, happiness, love- all feel good. They are the spark of life. Here are some ways to help create more sparkle in your life:

  1. Count your blessings: Begin NOW! Look in your immediate surroundings and circumstances for what feels good. There may be a lot to see or a little, but find it! Focus on it! Think about why it feels good. What senses does it evoke?
  2. Upgrade your experience: Ask yourself, is there anyway I can make these feel good areas feel even better? Example: I love this hot cup of coffee in my hands. It smells wonderful, and is warming to my cold fingers. Perhaps a shake of cinnamon and little cream would make it even better? Can I take 5-10 minutes and sit somewhere to really enjoy it? Maybe even outside listening to the birds, or while reading a small passage from a book I love. Maybe sipping coffee with a friend or spouse is even better?
  3. Remove the Irritants: Are there any distractions or irritations that I can remove now? Do not get caught up in what you can’t do anything about, but rather, just remove or change what you are able. Perhaps you are sitting in the living room and you just clear your coffee table, dust it off and light a candle. Maybe a little child is hampering you. Can you distract him/her for a moment while you enjoy your coffee?
  4. Try new things: Go new places, taste foods you’ve never had, listen to different music, play a new game. If you were a tour guide in your town, where would you take tourists? Are there places nearby you have not yet visited? New experiences can often be exhilarating. The more you experience, the more things you will find that feels good.
  5. Write it down! Keep an ongoing list on a notepad that you can quickly access- perhaps in your notes on your phone or a small paper pad you can keep with you.  Just reading your list regularly will evoke better feelings. Whenever something feels really good, add it to your list.  Incorporate as many of these listed things into your life regularly. Here is a sample list of things that feel really good to me:
  • Laughter
  • Yoga
  • Hot baths
  • Massaging essential oils into my body
  • Puppy time- hugging and petting my dog
  • Brunches with my girlfriends
  • Sipping on hot Chai tea
  • Laying in the sun
  • Warm sand between my toes
  • Swimming
  • Spending time with my grand-daughter
  • Chatting with my children
  • Opening windows and hearing the birds in the mornings
  • Popping a large bowl of buttery popcorn and watching Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter
  • Browsing shops in newly visited towns
  • Outdoor picnics
  • Flying a kite
  • Planting flowers and veggies we love
  • Smelling roses, violets, Lilacs and honey suckle

The more personal and detailed it is, the better. With each thing you add to the list, it should evoke a pleasurable, peaceful, joyful emotion.

Sometimes you will add something to your list and notice that it doesn’t really feel good. Explore this. Perhaps you are doing something that you feel is supposed to feel good, but for you it doesn’t. For example, maybe spending time with your grown children actually feels stressful but you feel like it should be pleasant. The best thing to do is to acknowledge your real feelings, and ask yourself why you feel the way you do about it.  Maybe you stress too much over pleasing them or perhaps they have issues you can do nothing about; but you really desire to be able to enjoy your time with them. This would be an area that is subtly sabotaging your happiness. Meditate and visualize how you wish the relationship was as if it is. Hold this vision as much as your are able, and remove this from your list for now, until it is genuinely something you enjoy. This does not imply that you remove them from your life necessarily but rather you are recognizing what really makes you happy and what doesn’t. Honesty is key to any real growth.

Unhappiness is often because we are not living consciously and not pursuing what feels good. Unless we can really know what feels good to us, we cannot pursue it.

If you do not feel good, you will not be happy. And you will not feel good if you are not seeking, finding and applying to your life those aspects that make you feel good. Its okay for life to be pleasurable. Its okay to add a little sparkle to your day!

 

Removing Dark Spirits, Entities or Vibes from Your Home

Space clearing2

This morning I answered a post in a Facebook Group to a woman who was seeking help to get rid of a dark presence she felt in her new place of residence. I decided to share what has worked for me here for others who are searching for help in this area.

First, it is important to understand that EVERYTHING in this universe vibrates at a frequency. The highest emotional vibration is LOVE and the lowest emotional vibration is FEAR. Hence the scripture, “Perfect love casts out fear.”  High vibrations cannot stay in the same space as low vibrations- just as light dispels dark, so do higher vibration replace low vibrations.

Low vibration entities will have a very difficult time hanging around someone or some place with high vibrations. If you are fearful, the lower vibrations feed off this and become stronger. If you feel like you cannot shake your fear, then perhaps you should find someone who has experience in clearing entities from homes to do it for you.

The following steps are things you can do to RAISE your own vibrations and the vibrations of your home, and remove low vibration entities.

Supplies: 

  • Frankincense Incense
  • Essential Oils: Frankincense, Rose Absolute, Orange or Lemon
  • Spray bottle
  • Purified water
  • Dust rag
  • Vacuum
  • Pure Sea Salt
  1. Open up all windows and doorways. Get as much fresh air circulating as possible. (If an certain open window or door takes away your sense of safety, keep it closed)
  2. Put on some energy clearing music or sounds. Use music that makes you feel elevated within your spirit. If the links I provide do not do this, then find something that works for you. (*See links below)
  3. Light the Frankincense incense.
  4. Meditate and pray, with gratitude and love. Envision a beautiful white protective light encircling your entire being and space.
  5. Mix in 2 cups of purified water, 10 drops of Frankincense oil, 15 drops of Rose Absolute, 4 drops of Orange or Lemon oil. Pour into squirt bottle. Spray soft cloth with mixture and dust furniture and fixtures throughout house.
  6. Vacuum and or sweep entire house.
  7. Pick up clutter- clutter blocks fresh energy from flowing through. Think of water coming through the entry ways. What would block it from flowing freely through. Furniture should be placed so as not to block this gentle flow. What would the water collect and float away? Put those items away.
  8. Place a small bowl of salt (about 1/4 cup) in rooms that feel especially dark. Remove and discard after a week.
  9. Take the squirt bottle, and beginning at the farthest corner of the house, spraying the water up towards the ceiling in long strokes, left ward, and going clockwise throughout your entire house. Continue clockwise from room to room. Spray around entire entry ways, in closets, under furniture, behind doors. Vibrations can collect, like dust balls do, in places that are stagnant. So be sure to get these areas. As you spray, repeat the following:

I command all entities that are not of love and light and are not here for my highest good and the good of all whom my life touches, to leave. You are not welcome here. Go into the light so you can transcend your present state. I ask that the angel spirits of love and light be with us and protect us and our home. I invite the Christ spirit into our home. (You can use your own words or change this, but be sure to command the dark entities to leave and let them know they are not welcomed there)

Some people use sage burning for the same purpose, which I have done as well, but the smoke bothers me and the water spray works just as well. The essential oils are very high vibrating oils.

Afterwards, spray the water around you and cleanse your vibrations by making a hot herbal tea. Holy basil tea is a really good one to use. Take a bath, adding a few drops of frankincense and lavender or rose absolute oils. Speak words of love into the water. Burn a candle in the bathroom while you bathe.

Repeat ritual anytime negativity is in the air of your home- whether because of a fight,  the presence of a negative entity (this can be physical as well as non-physical),  a scary, depressing negative program was watched in the home, or depressive moods are strong- anything that is lowering your vibrations and making you feel icky within.

To help keep your vibrations high, ask yourself several times a day, “How do I feel and what do I need.” Then take care of your physical, spiritual and emotional body.

Be mindful of what you allow into your home via media- music, TV, computer, books and people- all these can affect the vibrational space and work to bring in or block entities.

For High-Vibration Music Try:

Nature and Crystal Angels Music or Room Clearing Nature Sounds- Reiki

Introducing “The Voice of God Within” 2nd Ed.

An Inward Journey of Discovery and Restoration

In this video I share with you the inspiration behind the writing of “The Voice of God Within.”
If you have struggled with your belief system or have been or are a part of a controlling religion, and you need a little courage, this may just be the book for you.

Click here if you would like to purchase a copy of “The Voice of God Within”

Click here if you would like to read “The Voice of God Within” on Amazon Kindle

An Antidote for Poisonous Beliefs about Self

Its not what happened to us that continues to bring us pain, but rather the message or the meaning that we took away. That is what needs to be challenged.

Neutral and Poisonous Messages

Neutral messages are usually factual. They tell about something that happened. At the time, it might have been very painful. But a neutral message taken away will heal. Poisonous  messages or meanings you might give are personal perceptions. They are core beliefs that distort your self-perception. They are like bacteria in the wound. They prevent it from healing completely and can even make it worse and eventually infect our entire system if they are not taken care of. A poisonous message needs an antidote- a new, positive message without distortion.

Below are some examples of neutral verses poisonous messages. The first message is the neutral or original message. The following are about the meanings we give and therefore take away a poisonous message.

  • What they did to me was wrong ……..  I was stupid and deserved what I got. I shouldn’t have been in that place. I provoked them. I am bad. I cause people to do bad things.
  • They were not good parents…… My parents would have been happier without me. I was a brat. I deserved some of what I got. I provoked them. I am no good. Nobody loves me. 
  • Her death was unexpected….. I should have seen it coming. I never told her I loved her and now she is gone. I am all alone now. I better not get close to anyone again because they could die too. Life is cruel.  
  • He treats me with disrespect….. I must not be worthy of respect. He sees how stupid I am. I need to earn his respect. He is better than me. I am worthless. 
  • She is so condescending…. I irritate her. I must have an irritating personality. I am disgusting. I am not lovable. I have no value. 
  • I was not invited ….  Nobody likes me. I must be boring. I am different than everyone else. I have no personality.

Steps to Healing

  1. Take something that causes you pain whenever it comes to mind- that hurts as much or even more than when it took place.
  2. Write down the incident in a paraphrase, just enough to evoke the hurtful emotions. Then write down why it hurts. Write the messages and meanings you took away from it.
  3. Rewrite the incident and bring in a new ending, message and meaning. Create one from a healthy adult perspective.
  4. Finally, take the new messages and put them on post-its to read everyday for a week or more. This will water and feed the new seed so it can flourish in your life.

Here is an example:

When I was around eight, my older sister and I were decorating for a birthday party.  I was arguing with her about the colors of the streamers and how we were putting them up. Suddenly, from seemingly out of nowhere, I was slapped full-force across the face and went spinning. When I peered up, I saw the angry red face of my dad, as he spewed out at me, “You better just shut your mouth missy before you get worse than that. Just do what your sister says. You are lucky you are even getting a birthday party you ungrateful brat!”

For years, and I mean YEARS, whenever that memory came I would cringe inside. Not about being slapped, but because of the messages I took away- my opinion doesn’t matter, my voice is worthless and I better keep quiet. I am such an ungrateful brat. My very presence evokes extreme anger and hate.

Now, this message was poisonous. It leaked through my entire system and touched every aspect of my life. Whenever someone in my life was angry or irritated the poison seeped out. I blamed myself- my presence evokes anger and hate. If I tried to speak my perspective and it was not well received, the venom went deeper- your opinion and voice are worthless. You better keep your mouth shut! If I did not like something, I was an ungrateful brat. These messages, and more from other painful experiences, snuffed out the true essence of my spirit and left me a shell of a human being.

One day, while doing some inner child work, I dealt with this account. I went in as a healthy adult would. I imagined my adult self walking in and seeing the whole thing. I imagined my adult self yelling at my dad, “What the hell are you doing? Who do you think YOU are slapping a little helpless child a fraction of your size like that? 

I then took my child-self up into my arms and out of that situation. I consoled her. I told her that she should have never been slapped like that. I let her know how wrong what her dad did to her was. I let her know that everybody argues sometimes and that does not make us ungrateful and bad- and it does NOT warrant being slapped by anybody.  I gave her space to cry and to tell me why she felt frustrated with her sister. I validated her as a person with emotions and personal preferences and these are what make her unique and beautiful. Most importantly, I gave her back her voice!

energy shiftingShe was left with a different ending and a new message: she was loved, valued, cared about, beautiful, honored.

This exercise dealt with a core message that was poisoning my present day experiences. Bringing this into awareness has worked like an antidote, changing for the better the way I perceive and ingest the happenings in my life today.

The next time a dark memory comes up and haunts you, take time to meet it head on. Apply the exercises above. Share with us how they changed your self-perception!

Please share this post!

 

 

The Essence of My Mother

This morning I was penning a letter to my sister and began reminiscing about my mother who died a little over a year ago. I am a slow processor and am just recently beginning to get in touch with all my feelings and emotions surrounding her life and passing. As I was writing, it occurred to me that I should share this portion of my letter openly as it was like a eulogy in honor of her life!

In Memory of Mom

Lately I have been thinking a lot about mom. At times I can feel her with me, letting me know she is okay, that she is happy and that she loves me.

Life is not easy, and for some it can be down right grueling, as was in her case. Yet, now in hindsight, her beauty shines through the darkest of memories clouds.

The other day I came across a doll mom had given to my girls. She had hand-sewn the little dress it wore and I lingered over it, tracing the neatly done stitching, smiling at the pattern of little frogs. I could hear her voice echoing through my soul as she points them out smiling, “Did you see the little frogs? Aren’t they adorable? I just loved this material and knew it would make a darling little dress.” I envisioned her as she ironed, cut, sewed and dressed the doll, exclaiming to everyone how darling it turned out. I marveled at her handiwork, remembering how I tried in vain to tediously sew such tiny clothing for my girls dolls.

My mind traveled back through time to when I was 14-years-old, and she had sewn me a new dress for my birthday. I recalled standing up on a kitchen chair while she pinned it for the final hem. I felt so beautiful in that dress and wore it over and again. It seemed to hug me in her love where her arms had been too weary, worn and tired.

As I reminisced, lovingly caressing the dolls dress, I smiled as I thought of how much talent she possessed. In the midst of all the darkness and chaos of those childhood years, her artistic eye added touches of beauty and light all around- beautiful flowers and lush green plants, handsomely restored pieces of salvaged furniture. Adorable framed needle work. Mom was not only a meticulous seamstress, but an impeccable house keeper, a good cook-turning recipes I still use and cherish today, and a master gardener.

Her love language was gifts and she turned Christmas and birthdays into magical creations where we were reminded that YES! we were loved after all.  Her green thumb was remarkable, her yard always the main attraction in the neighborhood no matter where we lived.

Mom loved a good “rags-to-riches” story and generated plenty of her own every time she brought home a hopeless looking, dying plant and with her very own innate magic, patiently nursed it to its fullest glory. Or, when she discovered a wobbly, decrepit looking piece of furniture amidst a junk heap, dragged it home to the dismay of us all, and with a vision for what it could be, worked for hours, meticulously filling, tightening, gluing, sanding and finally adding her final touches of paint and knobs, she transformed it into a conversation piece that everyone coveted.  And who can count the orphaned dogs and cats that found refuge in her home and eventually a loving, forever place to live!?

So, here I sit, pen in hand, more than a year after we have laid her worn-out body into the ground. In her spirit of restoration, I have swept away the dirt and cobwebs of my darkest childhood memories and discover amidst the cluttered, broken pieces, a beautiful treasure- our mother’s essence! I am so thankful for each one of my siblings that shared those memories with me. A part of her lives on in each one of us. Let us honor her by polishing those pieces of her we have within so that they may eternally beautify this world, just as she struggled so desperately to do against all odds.

Claudia Sue Amy- RIP

See you again on the other side!

Mom5

The Bedrock of Depression and How to Dissolve It

Depression is a highly misunderstood condition. There is a difference between clinical depression and grief, although grief can onset an episodic occurrence. This video is a heart to heart talk about the bedrock of depression and what you can do to begin to dissolve it. Sometimes the pivotal point in real healing is a good understanding.

Bullying – Victim Paradigm- Identifying and breaking free from it!

No one likes to be bullied. Today, awareness of bullying is mounting. Many people are going all out to put the breaks on it. Bullying does not just happen among school children. It goes on in adult circles all the time- in relationships, on the job, in groups and societies. If we want to make a big impact on curb-tailing bullying we need to recognize the signs and do what we can to put a stop to it. Our efforts to control bullying in school age children will be very limited as long as we continue to teach them bullying by our actions. Whether we are being bullied or we realize we are the bully- we need to own it and stop it, so we can begin to shift the vibration from a power-struggle world to a world of equality and harmony.

bullying

In this “Teasing verses Taunting” chart we have a list that can be applicable to a variety of situations. Ask yourself as you read over it, “Where do I fall on the chart? Where does my relationship with …….. fall? What about my job? My family? My church? Am I or are they incorporating bullying techniques?

Bullying is a manipulative way of getting what one wants. The bully preys on ones that have a weaker constitution than them or a perceived inferior position. The bully is usually a wounded person who at sometime in their life felt like a victim and bullying was their way of shoring up against ever being in that position again.

Religious groups often use means of bullying- cloaking it in a cover of a “love for the soul.” But when they have to bully converts into staying and submitting to their protocol, they have only gained a proselyte and not a true devotee. They will eventually end up with a group of dependent, beat-down, unmotivated individuals with little ability to reason logically, to empathize truly or to think for themselves.

The same results are seen at places of employment or governed societies where bullying is a means of control; it creates a dependent, unmotivated, discontent society that no longer can discern bad choices from good choices because they have so long been bullied into someone else’s choices for them.

You may think that you do not fall on the chart of bullying/victim at all. This is a rare case. Bullying is about control and can show up in very subtle ways. It takes a conscientious person to really identify their part in the bigger picture. I have seen this manipulative controlling attitude come out among closest friends.

These patterns can be broken. As we break free from the hierarchical  paradigm of “us verses them” we become an ensign of freedom, light, and peace. We each have to own our part in the bigger picture. Are we playing a victim role by allowing others to bully us and not taking responsibility for our own life choices? Are we coercing, threatening, shaming, punishing, demeaning anyone else in an attempt to change them or cause them to do what we desire them to do?

To get out from underneath a bully we have to be very deliberate in our choices and begin to respond rather than react to them. We have to master the art of saying NO! We have to think about what someone is requiring of us, weigh it out to see if it is a benefit and asset to our life, and if not reject it. This takes a lot of courage for those who are used to allowing others to always have the upper-hand.

If you are a bully, you need to spend time alone and contemplate why you feel like you need to control others. You need to learn the art of being present with what is and trusting the process of life. By getting in touch with your own vulnerability and accepting it, you will begin to naturally let go of the need to control others.

Both the bully and victim need to understand, that they are creating their reality everyday, by their thoughts, by their choices, by their actions. Both need to own this truth and make a commitment to shift their vibration from where it is to a place of give and take- a place of allowing- allowing others to be where they are without having to justify or make excuse for them or control them, and allowing yourself to feel your true emotions, accepting them and working through them.

Bullying is not just among school children, in fact, bullying begins with their caretakers! What examples are we leaving in this world when it comes to bullying? As an individual, as a society, as humanity? When your children observe you do they see someone confident in the process of life or someone who yells, argues, threatens and even gets physically aggressive when things are not going their way? Do they see someone that is confident in their own skin or someone who is always seeking out others to tell them what to do and then blaming everyone else for their lot in life?

Think about it! I have, and I have done something about it in my own life. Consequently I am so much happier and free!

Energy Clearing Your Home- Quick and Simple

The energy in our home should be tranquil and uplifting. But sometimes its not so. Fights, negative telecasting, illness and many other happenings can cause the vibrations of our home to lower and the energy to become unhealthy. Just like anything else in this world, energy needs periodic cleaning.
In this video I will share with you a few quick and simple techniques that I have implemented that have proven effective at raising the energy vibrations of my home.