Morning wakes us with a start; some of us rush into the day with no time to spare. Others lag around in their sleep-wear, sip on warm liquid and contemplate the day ahead. Then, there is that morning, where you find yourself alone, with more choices about how to spend your time than you care to deal with. It is in these quiet times that creative juices flow; but it is also in these quiet times that our mind puzzles over the reasons behind everything we do and say. We often ask ourselves, “What is the point of all this?” It’s as if this question sits atop of an enormous alpine slide that twists and turns for miles down a steep slope. We look at the question and usually gamble on not answering it. It’s just much easier to remain on top of this mountain of ideas spun through the millennials. It no longer matters where its foundations lay. To go to the bottom of the mountain and find out for ourselves is such an adventure most dare not take.
Morning sunlight illuminates the particles in the air. The quiet around us is stifling. We distract ourselves with feel-good music and Facebook friends. We begin to plan our next outing, We clean, read, text- anything to bury the nagging questions from view:
“What the hell am I doing here anyway? “Where did I come from? And, even more, where am I headed?”
We search for answers and find people much like ourselves, offering a myriad of explanations- more beliefs than can be counted. Like the stars at night, you observe them and realize the futility of trying to number them all. Instead, you anchor yourself on the brightest star and feel satisfied that it exists, that it has a name and that you can experience it at this moment. The infinite milky-way provides a nice backdrop, but this one bright star is stands out and you fix your gaze upon it, satisfied with the light it gives. You reason that because it is clearest it must be truest.
Oh that our minds would be quiet. Some practice meditation in order to rest their mind, only to find that it is like the restless sea, ever churning. To hold back a thought is to hold back the waves of the ocean.
Sweeping aside the heavier thought of our existence we kick back in to gear and get on with the circle of life. Round and round we go. Repeating cycles over and again. We feel much like a lost traveler that keeps coming back to the same marker and realizes he is just going in endless circles- not really getting anywhere. The color of our hair begins to fade and our skin is beginning to sag and cling to our bones like an outfit that is way to big. Time is getting away, yet why did I not notice? Where did the time go?
We have spent years, working, laughing, crying, fighting, scared, angry, happy, forlorn… and for what? We have learned. We are no longer the same person we were when we first found ourselves in this time world. We have changed- over and again. Many people we have known and loved have already departed from this mysterious place we call earth. We think about them and wonder, “Where are they now? Will I really ever see them again?” We affirm a definite yes to ourselves because the only other answer is unthinkable. Yes, the unthinkable is the fine line that crosses over into insanity- a deep of abyss of nothingness.
The question we buried on top of the mountain begins to pulsate beneath the very ground we stand upon. We are shaken at its persistence to be answered and our inability to answer it with 100% certainty. Because, if we are to be truly honest with ourselves, we don’t really know, we only believe; and belief and reality are on two different dimensions.
In our heart we understand that the answer to the question of why we are here will ultimately answer so many other questions, especially the one that creeps around us like a shadowy villain-
“Who am I?”
We evade this villain working till our life is utterly spent trying to prove to ourselves and everyone else that we really are somebody. We are not just a nobody.
The sea of nobodies washes over us, terrifying us with its fury.
“I will take you too. You will soon be gone and disappear into my depths of nothingness.”
Chained by the fear of this ghostly unknowingness, we hurt the ones we love, trampling their hearts in our struggle to find an identity and escape the sea of nobodies. We break free of our chains and join the clawing, clutching war that humanity has created. Marching to the beat of drum, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I AM SOMEBODY TOO!”
It has become the cry of humanity in a desperate struggle of not being sucked back into the sea of Nobodies. We fight to stay atop the mountain peak. Like goats we butt one another to be at the highest point.
Yet there are a few brave souls, tired of this insatiable hunger, that return to the unanswered question and take that plunge down the mountain of ideas and beliefs, braving the treacherous spiral into the depth where the foundations lay.
On the way down, they question their sanity. They are terrorized, exhilarated and finally plummeted to the bottom of the mountain. No one can really understand what they find, for each person must take the journey for them selves. Yet they watch as one by one, those who braved the dark caverns of the mountain, rise again. And lo, they are born on wings- joy and peace and glorious freedom from all the doubts and insecurities have illuminated their countenance. Up towards the sun they soar- FREE at last! The question no longer haunts them and no longer chains them to the mountain of ideas. They have found a peace that is fixed, not on ideas and beliefs, but on LIFE itself!
They shout out to those still at the top- go, look, seek, find for yourselves. You need not carry the ball and chain any longer. Go to the foundations and discover your eternal divinity! Some on the mountain watch on with wonder, some follow their advice and find the same freedom. Others shoot at them, attempting to destroy them, believing them to be impostors and deceivers. But those that gather the courage take the plunge, join them in the cosmos. Those that dare ask the question, Who Am I?
And plunge into the abyss to discover the great I AM!