It has been said that time is our most precious commodity. It is the one thing we have to spend that we can never buy back. All of us live within the same, 24 hour, framework of time. Sometimes we wish we had more time to do the things we really love or to spend with the people we care most about.
For too many years I spent way too much of this precious commodity on the wrong type of people. But one day I wised up. I made a decision that I was going to stop giving my time and attention to people that drained my energy and negatively affected my happiness; and I was going to make a concerted effort to shift that saved time and energy onto the people who I felt truly loved and accepted by. That has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
The following are five types of people that you should quit allowing to drain your precious life reservoir:
1. People that constantly find fault with you and refuse to see your value. These type of people are haters and have personal issues that they won’t deal with. Consequently they look for a scapegoat- someone they can vent their poisonous venom on. It’s not about you. They have targeted you because you are a sensitive soul and have been trying to appease them which only serves to feed their narcissistic ego. They wont take time to hear your perspective except to tear it down. These type of people should be cut completely out of your life to the best of your ability. You own them nothing. Move as far away from them as possible. Pay no more time or ATTENTION to them. They don’t deserve it!
2. People who treat you with indifference. Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel wrote;
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.
Someone who is indifferent to you shows no interest in you or concern for you. They could care less about who you are inside. They’ve summed you up in their self-righteous judgement. They treat you as if you don’t matter at all; basically, their lack of attention and love for you makes you feel small and invisible and that is their intent. The rare conversations you may have with them are short and usually one way, and if they do happen to have something to say to you, it is carefully crafted to make you feel stupid and small. These types of individuals are often passive-aggressive bullies. They have deep rooted issues of insecurity. They love lofty positions and for people to adore them. Indifference is what murdered the Jews. Indifference not only can kill people literally, it can kill them emotionally. Indifference is abusive. Now, why would we waste our precious time and attention on someone like that?
3. People who are jealous of you. This deeply insecure person usually sees you as a threat. They feel threatened that they will be overshadowed by you. Their harmful behavior towards you is usually very covert; This person may act very nice to your face; He or she may give you gifts and treat you respectfully in front of others. How they appear to everyone else is of utmost importance. In fact this person hides their secret jealousy so well, they often don’t see it themselves. But behind the scenes they tear you down. If they see someone really likes you that they have a mutual friendship with, they will move subtly to discolor your character to them. This person isn’t always obvious. They are very cautious because they want to be seen as the “good person” the one to trust and look up to. They will play the kind-hearted, thoughtful one well, laying on the compliments thick to deceive you and to draw away others they want to steal from your circle of confidence. One dead give away of this type of subtlety is they never let you into their inner circle unless they are fishing for something to gossip about you later. Overtly- to others looking on, they pretend they are so kind to you. But the truth is, they are jealous of you because deep down they are extremely insecure. This type of person needs to be blocked from your life as much as possible. The damage they do to your reputation can be catastrophic and can cost you real connection with family and friends. Of course, anybody who falls for their wiles and disassociates from you based on gossip is better left outside your inner circle as well.
4. People who use you. A healthy friendship is a two-way street. If you are being asked to do for and help someone who never even tries to reciprocate, you are being used. They get what they need from you and that’s the last time you see or hear from them until they need something else. This person does not value you, your time and or attention. They usually cannot see past their own problems and empathize with anyone else. This type of person is better off in a mentor-student situation where your services have a price tag. If you need more time to spend with those in your life that add value and happiness, learn the value of saying NO! If this person doesn’t really value your friendship, your no will send them scurrying off to find another person they can suck time and attention out of.
5. People who are trolls. They hang around your social media to be nosy but never say hi, appreciate anything you post or show up in any way for you. You may for them, but they never do for you. When they do pop up in your feed it is usually with something that rankles you. Webster dictionary describes trolls as:
a person who intentionally antagonizes others online by posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content.
I go through my social media regularly and delete “followers” that are just trolling around my life. I don’t have the time or energy to waste on them. Most of them will never even notice anyhow.
One of my favorite quotes attributed to Sigmund Freud is;
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
Cleaning up your associations is one of the most powerful action steps we can take towards a happier, more fulfilled future. You may have a small list of friends when it is all said and done, but that list will be quality friends.
And the special surprise at the end of the tunnel?
You will not feel quite so lonely because you now have the time and energy to spend with people that really see you and accept you just as you are!