Bullying – Victim Paradigm- Identifying and breaking free from it!

No one likes to be bullied. Today, awareness of bullying is mounting. Many people are going all out to put the breaks on it. Bullying does not just happen among school children. It goes on in adult circles all the time- in relationships, on the job, in groups and societies. If we want to make a big impact on curb-tailing bullying we need to recognize the signs and do what we can to put a stop to it. Our efforts to control bullying in school age children will be very limited as long as we continue to teach them bullying by our actions. Whether we are being bullied or we realize we are the bully- we need to own it and stop it, so we can begin to shift the vibration from a power-struggle world to a world of equality and harmony.

bullying

In this “Teasing verses Taunting” chart we have a list that can be applicable to a variety of situations. Ask yourself as you read over it, “Where do I fall on the chart? Where does my relationship with …….. fall? What about my job? My family? My church? Am I or are they incorporating bullying techniques?

Bullying is a manipulative way of getting what one wants. The bully preys on ones that have a weaker constitution than them or a perceived inferior position. The bully is usually a wounded person who at sometime in their life felt like a victim and bullying was their way of shoring up against ever being in that position again.

Religious groups often use means of bullying- cloaking it in a cover of a “love for the soul.” But when they have to bully converts into staying and submitting to their protocol, they have only gained a proselyte and not a true devotee. They will eventually end up with a group of dependent, beat-down, unmotivated individuals with little ability to reason logically, to empathize truly or to think for themselves.

The same results are seen at places of employment or governed societies where bullying is a means of control; it creates a dependent, unmotivated, discontent society that no longer can discern bad choices from good choices because they have so long been bullied into someone else’s choices for them.

You may think that you do not fall on the chart of bullying/victim at all. This is a rare case. Bullying is about control and can show up in very subtle ways. It takes a conscientious person to really identify their part in the bigger picture. I have seen this manipulative controlling attitude come out among closest friends.

These patterns can be broken. As we break free from the hierarchical  paradigm of “us verses them” we become an ensign of freedom, light, and peace. We each have to own our part in the bigger picture. Are we playing a victim role by allowing others to bully us and not taking responsibility for our own life choices? Are we coercing, threatening, shaming, punishing, demeaning anyone else in an attempt to change them or cause them to do what we desire them to do?

To get out from underneath a bully we have to be very deliberate in our choices and begin to respond rather than react to them. We have to master the art of saying NO! We have to think about what someone is requiring of us, weigh it out to see if it is a benefit and asset to our life, and if not reject it. This takes a lot of courage for those who are used to allowing others to always have the upper-hand.

If you are a bully, you need to spend time alone and contemplate why you feel like you need to control others. You need to learn the art of being present with what is and trusting the process of life. By getting in touch with your own vulnerability and accepting it, you will begin to naturally let go of the need to control others.

Both the bully and victim need to understand, that they are creating their reality everyday, by their thoughts, by their choices, by their actions. Both need to own this truth and make a commitment to shift their vibration from where it is to a place of give and take- a place of allowing- allowing others to be where they are without having to justify or make excuse for them or control them, and allowing yourself to feel your true emotions, accepting them and working through them.

Bullying is not just among school children, in fact, bullying begins with their caretakers! What examples are we leaving in this world when it comes to bullying? As an individual, as a society, as humanity? When your children observe you do they see someone confident in the process of life or someone who yells, argues, threatens and even gets physically aggressive when things are not going their way? Do they see someone that is confident in their own skin or someone who is always seeking out others to tell them what to do and then blaming everyone else for their lot in life?

Think about it! I have, and I have done something about it in my own life. Consequently I am so much happier and free!

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